God's Healing Ability
About 4 years ago I went to a conference to learn how to pray for healing. It was a wonderful teaching and I had some wonderful spritiual experiences. I learned that as we pray for others that God may give us a word or picture of an ailment that would reveal God is wanting to heal someone of that ailment.
After the conference I stayed an extra night before flying home. During that evening I had a intense, impacting dream. I do not remember all it, but I dreamed that I saw a person with a dark covering over their back. The darkness covered their back and about halfway down their arms. As I looked closer I saw the person was covered in what looked like black scales. As I was watching I saw one of the scales move and realized they were dark creatures that was covering the person's back and arms. I woke up feeling the intense awareness of so many creatures that had this person covered. I felt for sure it must be demonic attacks upon this person. All I would have to do is pray for these things to be gone and the person would be healed.
The next day I went to the church service and wondered if God wanted to heal someone of perhaps a skin disease. I never saw someone to pray for and with intense awareness I continued to look for someone to pray for on my trip home and on into the coming months. No one every came across my path and I just could not understand why God would reveal such a dream if He wasn't going to heal anyone.
That was 4 years ago.
I have become aware that the destiny God has for me has been hindered by my health. I have energy at times but it has not been consistant enough to go forward in His work. As I have continued to pray about it, God has let me see that there is a spiritual connection to my feelings of apathy and fatigue. So tonight I again began a spiritual battle (in prayer and worship) against this spirit of infirmity (infirmity meaning weakness, etc). As I began to pray I began to fight against the enemy that wanted to discourage me. I would get discouraged through a feeling of apathy to pray or tiredness or disbelief that prayer wasn't getting me anywhere. But I became more aware it was the enemy causing these thoughts and feeling of apathy. I felt the heaviness I was fighting was an enemy on my back. But I couldn't fight it face to face, it was subtle and unapproachable. It had an advantage because it was on my back and I couldn't get to it.
As I felt the tiredness of my back, I remembered the dream I had 4 years ago. Thoughts would cross my mind that the person in the dream with the creatures on their back was me, but I would fight it because I didn't want to believe it. I kept pressing on to know the truth but still not wanting to believe that that person could be me until I finally began to pray that God would not let me be blinded by the enemy or hidden under this blanket of darkness. I did not want to stay under it any longer.
And then He let me see what it was. All those hundreds of black scales/creatures were the hundreds of time that I chose death over life, all those times I was coming into agreement with the enemy. I sought to die, to kill myself almost daily, coming into agreement with the enemy, over and over. Everytime I chose death, I rejected life; I rejected the Life. Jesus is Life, I was rejecting Him. In humble repentence I ask Jesus's forgivenness as each rememberance of wanting death came to my mind, taking pills, seeking death in so many ways. Then I felt my body relax in His presence.
It is not easy fighting an enemy on your back. I know the work isn't complete, but the burden is lighter and He will finish the work. It is not easy to see what we don't want to see. But I know God overcomes and I want His victory.
After the conference I stayed an extra night before flying home. During that evening I had a intense, impacting dream. I do not remember all it, but I dreamed that I saw a person with a dark covering over their back. The darkness covered their back and about halfway down their arms. As I looked closer I saw the person was covered in what looked like black scales. As I was watching I saw one of the scales move and realized they were dark creatures that was covering the person's back and arms. I woke up feeling the intense awareness of so many creatures that had this person covered. I felt for sure it must be demonic attacks upon this person. All I would have to do is pray for these things to be gone and the person would be healed.
The next day I went to the church service and wondered if God wanted to heal someone of perhaps a skin disease. I never saw someone to pray for and with intense awareness I continued to look for someone to pray for on my trip home and on into the coming months. No one every came across my path and I just could not understand why God would reveal such a dream if He wasn't going to heal anyone.
That was 4 years ago.
I have become aware that the destiny God has for me has been hindered by my health. I have energy at times but it has not been consistant enough to go forward in His work. As I have continued to pray about it, God has let me see that there is a spiritual connection to my feelings of apathy and fatigue. So tonight I again began a spiritual battle (in prayer and worship) against this spirit of infirmity (infirmity meaning weakness, etc). As I began to pray I began to fight against the enemy that wanted to discourage me. I would get discouraged through a feeling of apathy to pray or tiredness or disbelief that prayer wasn't getting me anywhere. But I became more aware it was the enemy causing these thoughts and feeling of apathy. I felt the heaviness I was fighting was an enemy on my back. But I couldn't fight it face to face, it was subtle and unapproachable. It had an advantage because it was on my back and I couldn't get to it.
As I felt the tiredness of my back, I remembered the dream I had 4 years ago. Thoughts would cross my mind that the person in the dream with the creatures on their back was me, but I would fight it because I didn't want to believe it. I kept pressing on to know the truth but still not wanting to believe that that person could be me until I finally began to pray that God would not let me be blinded by the enemy or hidden under this blanket of darkness. I did not want to stay under it any longer.
And then He let me see what it was. All those hundreds of black scales/creatures were the hundreds of time that I chose death over life, all those times I was coming into agreement with the enemy. I sought to die, to kill myself almost daily, coming into agreement with the enemy, over and over. Everytime I chose death, I rejected life; I rejected the Life. Jesus is Life, I was rejecting Him. In humble repentence I ask Jesus's forgivenness as each rememberance of wanting death came to my mind, taking pills, seeking death in so many ways. Then I felt my body relax in His presence.
It is not easy fighting an enemy on your back. I know the work isn't complete, but the burden is lighter and He will finish the work. It is not easy to see what we don't want to see. But I know God overcomes and I want His victory.
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