Is God not Enough?
Words have not come easy for me lately. Sometimes I think I have opened myself up, searched within, torn away the struggles so much that what is left to say? Even with others, do we not have an ulterior motive when we seek to commune with them? Perhaps I have fought to break through for so long, that existing and abiding in peace is a new thing for me. NO I don't think it is being in "lala" land, I do abide in the present. However if I know that I can no longer change those around me nor have walls to break through (per say) then what is left to motivate me forward or maybe its inward.
It is this exact place that I find myself with God. A couple of prophetic words that were given me a few years ago bring me to this very position:
Elise, I want you to know, He has called you to be a worshiper of Him. To seek His face, just to rest in Him and to abide in Him. Not to be afraid of what other people think. Be drawn away, drawn into His presence, in the quietness, in the stillness. Jim
Elise, Each as been given a gift/calling, God has called you to minister to God’s heart. Some people are there just to minister to God’s heart. God called you to minister to God’s heart. Others things He may call you to do but I sense this is a main calling in your life. Pauline
First of all, what in the world does a calling or gift to basically minister and worship God mean? And what do you do with it? Am I called to stay in the closest and seek His face? Now some people may desire to stay in a closet, alone with God (wouldn't that be AMAZING!! ALONE WITH THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE?). However, being alone in a "closet", without anyone knowing the deep sacrifice, without anyone knowing what your prayers may effect or change grates against my basic desires. Does God call us outside our natural drive? Every deep experience I have with God excites me to explode and share it with others. But it seems that some experiences just can't be shared with others. You can try to explain it but it seems to fall flat on its face in front of you. Which brings me to the abiding question that God has been continually laying before me - Am I not enough?
Is God not enough? Now basically Jesus has commanded us to go and make disciples, He has sent us as the Father sent Him. So He hasn't called us to stay in the closet. And yet I am sure it is in the closet where we must first find Him, for it is His disciples we are to make. And aren't we all called to worship and minister before Him. So the real problem I think for me is that there are still parts of me that want to be acknowledged for the prayer time and sacrifice I make to Him. I want to be acknowledged for being special because of the wonderful, amazing experiences I have with Him (how ugly is that). And if that is what God has called me to do, at the least, I need to be satisfied there, before I can go out from there. Being in the closet would be wonderful, but would you want to be stuck there, if that were your calling? How long can you stay in the closet in prayer? Minutes, daily, ongoing? (apart from kids and life demands)
To be acknowledged means I want others to notice my value. And of course if I am seeking value from others than God is not enough. If I am seeking any of these things from others, than God is not enough. It is not that others can't give us wonderful relationships and experiences, it is that we seek from them what God wants to give us and be to us within our relationship with Him. So for me, I know I must first let go of my need for attention, value and being special from others and God wants me to seek from Him and that He wants to give me. Can I trust that He is enough?
The other thing I struggle with (I do have struggles!) is, how do I balance my desire to share the gospel to others with my desire to be with God, the God of the universe!! It is not with time spent, it is with the deep desire within me that I struggle. I think for me the struggle is with the doing and performance part of going. I know that God must go with us and the two should not be separate, however, how do I go forward with the power of God and not just doing the work myself.
So if I know that God has the power to change things, heal and move mountains and I know it is in my faith in Him that He works through me and I know it is His word that moves my faith, so what else could be the problem with Him in the closet? Perhaps I want His power to go before me rather than allowing His power to go in me. Perhaps I think I must have to stay in the closet so He can go forward, which He could but He wants to be with us. If we do not work separately, than I must let go of my desire for recognition to allow God (OF THE UNIVERSE) and His power to abide in me. This is humbleness of course, recognizing who is doing the work anyway. We can ask God to move mountains (and that is good) but I also think He wants us to move mountains by His power within us.
After all these years, am I learning the basics of faith again? If I step forward to act and do, am I doing my Fathers work? Do I just trust that what I do, I do in Him. Not for me. I have not learned that level of trust yet. I must hear from within, where the peace abides, I must see what He is doing and then I can do.
Matthew 13:15b
Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.
It is this exact place that I find myself with God. A couple of prophetic words that were given me a few years ago bring me to this very position:
Elise, I want you to know, He has called you to be a worshiper of Him. To seek His face, just to rest in Him and to abide in Him. Not to be afraid of what other people think. Be drawn away, drawn into His presence, in the quietness, in the stillness. Jim
Elise, Each as been given a gift/calling, God has called you to minister to God’s heart. Some people are there just to minister to God’s heart. God called you to minister to God’s heart. Others things He may call you to do but I sense this is a main calling in your life. Pauline
First of all, what in the world does a calling or gift to basically minister and worship God mean? And what do you do with it? Am I called to stay in the closest and seek His face? Now some people may desire to stay in a closet, alone with God (wouldn't that be AMAZING!! ALONE WITH THE GOD OF THE UNIVERSE?). However, being alone in a "closet", without anyone knowing the deep sacrifice, without anyone knowing what your prayers may effect or change grates against my basic desires. Does God call us outside our natural drive? Every deep experience I have with God excites me to explode and share it with others. But it seems that some experiences just can't be shared with others. You can try to explain it but it seems to fall flat on its face in front of you. Which brings me to the abiding question that God has been continually laying before me - Am I not enough?
Is God not enough? Now basically Jesus has commanded us to go and make disciples, He has sent us as the Father sent Him. So He hasn't called us to stay in the closet. And yet I am sure it is in the closet where we must first find Him, for it is His disciples we are to make. And aren't we all called to worship and minister before Him. So the real problem I think for me is that there are still parts of me that want to be acknowledged for the prayer time and sacrifice I make to Him. I want to be acknowledged for being special because of the wonderful, amazing experiences I have with Him (how ugly is that). And if that is what God has called me to do, at the least, I need to be satisfied there, before I can go out from there. Being in the closet would be wonderful, but would you want to be stuck there, if that were your calling? How long can you stay in the closet in prayer? Minutes, daily, ongoing? (apart from kids and life demands)
To be acknowledged means I want others to notice my value. And of course if I am seeking value from others than God is not enough. If I am seeking any of these things from others, than God is not enough. It is not that others can't give us wonderful relationships and experiences, it is that we seek from them what God wants to give us and be to us within our relationship with Him. So for me, I know I must first let go of my need for attention, value and being special from others and God wants me to seek from Him and that He wants to give me. Can I trust that He is enough?
The other thing I struggle with (I do have struggles!) is, how do I balance my desire to share the gospel to others with my desire to be with God, the God of the universe!! It is not with time spent, it is with the deep desire within me that I struggle. I think for me the struggle is with the doing and performance part of going. I know that God must go with us and the two should not be separate, however, how do I go forward with the power of God and not just doing the work myself.
So if I know that God has the power to change things, heal and move mountains and I know it is in my faith in Him that He works through me and I know it is His word that moves my faith, so what else could be the problem with Him in the closet? Perhaps I want His power to go before me rather than allowing His power to go in me. Perhaps I think I must have to stay in the closet so He can go forward, which He could but He wants to be with us. If we do not work separately, than I must let go of my desire for recognition to allow God (OF THE UNIVERSE) and His power to abide in me. This is humbleness of course, recognizing who is doing the work anyway. We can ask God to move mountains (and that is good) but I also think He wants us to move mountains by His power within us.
After all these years, am I learning the basics of faith again? If I step forward to act and do, am I doing my Fathers work? Do I just trust that what I do, I do in Him. Not for me. I have not learned that level of trust yet. I must hear from within, where the peace abides, I must see what He is doing and then I can do.
Matthew 13:15b
Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.
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